male or female??

MALE OR FEMALE? 
  THEYRE THE SORT OF QUESTIONS I GET ASKED BY FELLOW ALLOTMENTERS.
I HAVE BEEN GIVEN NUMEROUS PLUG PLANTS SINCE STARTING MY PLOT. PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SO GENEROUS AND HELPFUL .

MY KNOWLEDGE IN FRUIT AND VEG - EXCEPT HOW TO COOK THEM -IS VERY LIMITED.
I GET A SEED ,I PLANT IT. I NOW KNOW ITS BETTER TO START IT OFF IN A SEED TRAY SOMEWHERE WARM.
I GET A PLANT, I PLANT IT-MAKES SENSE,RIGHT? OF COURSE,THE BETTER THE SOIL OR COMPOST-THE BETTER CHANCE IT HAS OF GROWING IN A STRONG AND HEALTHY PLANT.

WALKING PAST A STRANGERS PLOT ONE DAY WITH AN ARMFUL OF CUCUMBER PLANTS, I STOPPED FOR A CHAT.  I FELT LIKE A PROPER HOTICULTURIST - ALL PROUD AND LOOKING LIKE I KNEW WHAT I WAS DOING   UNTIL I WAS ASKKED THE QUESTION.... 
MALE OR FEMALE?
WHAT??  MALE OR FEMALE??  REALLY?? O MY GOD - I FELT A PLONKER.
I DONT KNOW,I SAID. THEYRE CUCUMBERS! OH GROUND OPEN UP AND SWALLOW ME.

HE TRIED TO EXPLAIN BUT I WANTED TO RUN AWAY. HAHA.STILL CANT RECALL WHAT HE SAID-SOMETHING ABOUT RUBBING THINGS OR BRUSHING-HEY,I NEVER SAID  WAS ALAN TITCHMARSH.

ANYWAY,I WENT TO MY GREENHOUSE AND PLANTED THEM AND THEY GREW AND GREW INTO-WAIT FOR IT- GHERKINS!!